


Sal x 💘 Ceelo 💘

by saberwray



Category: Ceelo Green - Fandom, Impractical Jokers
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-09
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-01-26 07:43:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 17
Words: 3,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21370606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saberwray/pseuds/saberwray
Summary: A story of true love 😫👌DISCLAIMER: This story is not meant to harm or offend anyone. The actions portrayed in this story are entirely made up and are not meant to be perceived as true. This story is meant to be a humorous story and not taken in a personal way. Thank you, and enjoy. Also, NSFW and a general warning because some of this is weird asf lmaoo.
Relationships: Ceelo Green/Other Characters, Sal Vulcano/Ceelo Green, Sal Vulcano/Other Characters
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

Hey guys! It's me, Saber Wray. So this story originated on Wattpad, however it was brought to my attention that you needed a Wattpad account to view it. I decided that I would create an AO3 account to make this cursed content available to everyone. I will be directly copying and pasting what is written so far, and all future works, to this story section. Please remember this isn't meant to be taken seriously, and maybe go follow me on instagram; @ saber.wray  
Thank you, and enjoy


	2. Dedications

Hey guys so my new story is for my furry gang aka the rat centipedes 😫😫👌💯

This is a story of true love 😪

ps- this story isn't meant to harm or offend anyone and tbh I don't know what the fuck I was doing. this entire story is meant to be humorous and is not meant to be taken seriously or damage anyone's career or reputation. thank you.


	3. Part 1

Sal was just chilling in in apartment, ya know doing his thang when he got a call from 💘 ceelo 💘  
"Hey bb grill," Sal said when he answered. "Hey angel, I want you to come over and fuck me till my eyes bleed 😫😫."  
That got Sal rlly fckin hrd m8. "I'll be over shortly text replacement."

Sal got his favorite pair of underwear on (they said "feuk me daddy" on the ass) and swiggitied that booty to the car. He went 666 mph and almost hit an old lady. Oh well, he'd gladly be incriminated if it meant he could get that juicy 💘 ceelo 💘 dick. On the way there, however, [redacted] just fucking appeared in the passenger seat, and Sal screamed like a fucking pussy and almost crashed the car.

"What the fuck [redcated] ?! I told we weren't fucking in the graveyard until Wednesday!" Sal screamed. "Yeah but it's a threesome now. 💘 Ceelo 💘 is gonna love have his wet dreams come to life." Sal got even harder at that.

Finally, they whipped an dabbed into 💘 ceelo 💘 's driveway.


	4. Part 2

When Sal and [redacted] got to 💘 ceelo 💘's House, Sal screamed "What's up fuckers!" And he saw Jake Paul already sucking off 💘 Ceelo 💘 on the couch.

"A foursome! Nice!" [redacted] screamed. And then they fucked each other raw. Then Jake Paul V O R E D [redacted], but it was Gucci 👌 bc [redacted] was already a ghost.

Then, Shrek kicked down the door and said "FUCKING RIDE ME TO THE MOON DADDY 😫" So Jake Paul did and they feuked each other hard there.

Sal and 💘 Ceelo 💘 then literally sucked each other's faces off.


	5. Part 3

Okay I showed this to colgnomen and I accidentally killed him so I'm writing this to make up for it

Part 1  
Sal suddenly woke up from his wet dreams and cried tears of blood. he slept through his alarm tho so he did miss his dick appointment with [redacted] :((

however 💘 ceelo 💘 called him after he woke up "hey bb grill I just finished watching despacito 7, do you want come over and despacito 69 with shrek"

sal squeeled "SHREK COULD DICK ME UP, DICK ME DOWN, FLIP ME OVER, AND RIDE ME LIKE A MERRIGOROUND" (ps that quote is from colgnomen lmao)

then 💘 ceelo 💘 cried sauci tears bc he felt like sal loved shrek more :((  
(so sad can we hit Mongolian children 😪)

so 💘 ceelo 💘 boned shrek to infinity and fed him to Nicholas Cage. "yum yum yum, me likey green fat fucking bitches" then he went to Mount Everest to fuck his horse hoes 💦👅👌

Sal got his fat bitches 💘 ceelo 💘 's House,, but he didn't see Zucc Daddy following him in Maximum!Lizard form 😫👌  
(Ps idk wtf happened but it's typing like this so I'll have to make a part 2)  
wtf is was all screwed up but oh well too late now


	6. Part 4

okay this is continued from last time where Zucc Daddy followed sal to 💘 ceelo 💘 's house

Sal got to 💘 ceelo 💘 's House and saw 💘 ceelo 💘 with Bob Duncan   
and he yelled, bc his fantasies were sort of coming true

As the three of them were voring and doing three girls one cup, Zucc Daddy transformed 💦👅 into Ultimate!Daddy!Lizard 👌👀💯

so he joined in on the fun, and then Nicholas Cage put them in a cage and made them his bitches 💯

They all begged for Thiccy Niccy to v o r e them to extinction 👌💦 but he didn't

so then sal ,💘 ceelo 💘 , Zucc Daddy , and Bob Duncan started singing Despactio 8 😫👌👅 and Thiccy Niccy was so overcome 💦💯 with emotion that he just fucking busted out broski 💯👌

and then 💘 ceelo 💘 woke up from his wet dream and cried Sauci tears 😪  
(so sad can we skin minions 😪)


	7. Part 5

This chapter is dedicated to emo_patato and my other friend max uwu  
.  
💘 Ceelo 💘 awoke to find his mom in his room, packing his bags. "Wtf are you doing here ma?"  
His mom, in a voice that sounded weirdly like the alien from American Dad, "I needed crack money so I sold you as a sex slave to one direction."  
💘 Ceelo 💘 squealed. His fantasies were coming true! His mom tum🅱️led down the stairs. He put his black converse on with black skinny jeans and an MCR shirt. He then walked to the mirror, and pouted with his brown orbs. His hair was a mess, but that was okay. He sighed, pushing his non existent locks back. He then ran down the stairs to see One Direction sitting in his living room.  
"Damn when you said he wAs thiccy nicky Sheila you weren't lying," Zaynie boyo said licking his entire fucking face.  
💘 Ceelo 💘 had to stop himself from squealing,,, so he grabbed a banana and deep throated that shit and then Niall came 💦 in his pants right then and there. "I'm so ready to be your secy time slaves boys 🤪🤪" 💘 ceelo 💘 said.

*TWENTY HOURS LATER*

Sal had called 💘 ceelo 💘 many times already and 💘 ceelo 💘 Still DIDNT answer. Sal had a rocking boner he needed his daddy 😝 to take care of so he decided to steal hitlers car and drive to 💘 ceelo 💘's House.

When Sal got there he saw a note left by 💘 ceelo 💘   
"if anyone has come looking for me ive become one directions sex slave lmao sicc"  
Sal screamed in horror and then cried and cried and cried until he was a wrinkled old lady.  
Then orang came and pissed orang juice into Sal's anus. This obviously caused Sal to come all over 💘 ceelo 💘's house but he also become whole again. Well, almost whole.  
Sal contacted his former sex slave and current president donald trump for 69 machine guns and 420 grenades.

*ANOTHER TWENTY HOURS LATER*  
💘 ceelo 💘 had been fucked raw by then but was still taking dick 🍆🍆💦😝 like a man. Just then he heard a grenade go off. The others were curious and left 💘 ceelo 💘 tied to the sand castle.

Sal used some grenades to KABLAM 🧨 1D's house open. He fucking shot down the servants but fucked the llama 💦🍆 real quick.  
When 1D got there, he filled Harry and Liam with bullets. Then he shoved 6 grenades down Louis's throat. Now he was outta ammo, she he called open the spirit of meme man to help him.  
He pulled out his katana, as did Zaynie boyo, and they fought to the death. Sal went fucking sicko mode on Zaynie boyo, but not before Zaynie boyo cut off Sal's pinky toe, 💘 ceelo 💘's Favorite.

Sal then started screaming the lyrics to mo bamba and found 💘 Ceelo 💘 it's up. Sal now had a raging boner and had an idea.

And that's how Sal, 💘 ceelo 💘, Zaynie boyo, meme man, orang, Steve Buscemi, and The Grinch fucked at an indoor beach in the 1D house. But they got fucking crabs bc the grinch is a STINKY   
.  
.  
.  
i wish i didn't exist


	8. Part 6

im gonna dedicate this part to two skinny legends:  
Mikaela and Mackenzie   
-  
Logan Paul and Peaches had been dating for four months. Sal was jealous of peaches, because he had always dreamed of a threesome 💦 with him, Logan, and 💘 ceelo 💘  
Then Logan said he was gonna go gayo 🏳️🌈 for a month and Sal was excited.  
Peaches, however, was not. She cyber bullied Logan and got her followers to do it too. She even got Cora to do it 🥵   
Peaches also chopped his nose off so he looked like Voldemort  
Anyways it was finally March, and Logan was gay for a month. Sal knew it was his chance.  
He kidnapped Logan and brought him home.  
Him and 💘 Ceelo 💘 did naughty things to Logan while he was tied up. 😱  
Logan was like "mmm yaasss papi 😍"  
Then they invited Rasputin and Peaches and it was pretty great 😍  
Peaches then gave them all STDs, so they all were Burnin and Itchin 🤭  
.  
this chapter is shit goodbye


	9. Part 7

emo_patato came up with this so   
.  
Sal and 💘 Ceelo 💘 had been having a Gucci 👌 time when someone rang their doorbell. Sal answered in his "feuk me daddy" underwear.  
It was Dr. Phil, asking if they wanted peppermint condoms.  
Sal ejaculated 💦 right then and there bc Dr Phil was his dream daddy 😍. 💘 Ceelo 💘 however, hated Dr Phil bc his mustache reminded 💘 Ceelo 💘 of Vietnam.  
After that night Sal started seeing Dr Phil, and 💘 Ceelo 💘 cried tears made of Peaches' Pussy Juice ™. Him and Sal eventually broke up, but Sal realized he need 💘 Ceelo 💘 's juicy 💦 dick. So he made a plan.  
It was 3am in the McDonald's parking lot when 💘 Ceelo 💘 and Dr Phil showed up at the same time. They realized they had to have fight ⚠️. Dr Phil channeled the power of Danielle Broccoli 🥦, but it was no match for 💘 Ceelo 💘, who had channeled the power of Shaggy 🥵.  
💘 Ceelo 💘 touched Dr Phil and immediately K.O.ed him. Then Sal ran out of his car and jumped into 💘 Ceelo 💘 's phat daddy arms 💪. Then, Sal had a dirty suggestion.  
Sal and 💘 Ceelo 💘 fucking destroyed Dr Phil's corpse (it tasted like chocolate pissy). And then they fucked on his corpse, and were recorded by an employee.  
The video made Sal tonight's biggest loser, and 💘 Ceelo 💘 was bullied by world_record_egg mercilessly.  
.  
sometimes i wonder what would happen if anyone mentioned in this story found it


	10. Part 8

is i, saber, back again to curse your feed and steal your toes 🙈🥰  
Oh, and I dedicate this to ✌️g spirits ty for helping me out with ideas uwu  
.  
Sal had finally finished forcing Murr to create a tik tok as his punishment, because for once Sal was not the biggest loser. He was excited, because he had finally figured out a way to pass his chemistry class with Mr. Wätêr Šhëëp.   
Sal was home, and when he got there Camera Glockson had already set up the cock and ball torture machine. Perfection 😍. "uwu senpai Mr. Wätêr Šhëëp should be here soon uwu XD," Camera said. Sal could feel his massive red dick getting larger in his pants as he anticipated the fun times to come 💦💦  
.  
Camera had finally set up the Spongebob Nanny Cam in the front of the room as Mr. Wätêr Šhëëp arrived. Wätêr Šhëëp arrived with nothing on but the underwear he stole from Sal the precious day that said "feuk me daddy" in glitter on the ass 💦💦🍑🍑. "Hey Saaaaaal. These underwear smell like STDs 🥵, but it's oki bc they were so stretched out by your massive 💦 juicy 💦 pee pee (poo poo)"  
That sentence alone made Sal yell in pain as he came. You see, after sleeping with Peaches anytime anything came out of his pee pee (poo poo) it was always very bloody 💉 and painful 😖.  
.  
Sal and Mr. Wätêr Šhëëp made their cock and ball torture chamber while high off their nutsacks on Ketamine. However, Camera Glockson instantly died from leftover Peaches smell 🤢🤮. 💘 Ceelo 💘 saw Sal boyo cheating 😭😭 so he cried gravy (an unfortunate side effect from Peaches).  
.  
"Oh yes Papi Wätêr Šhëëp!!" Sal screamed. Some may say he was tonight's biggest loser, but not in his book. As they were finishing up, a British ADULT WOMAN's voice yelled "This is the FBI! We have you surrounded Wätêr Šhëëp! Come out with your hands up!"  
Wait no stop what's going on? Stop ruining my fanfic please this is all I have left that makes people think I'm funny.  
The door was busted down and a slim thicccc 😛💦💦🍑🍑 bitchhh in a hot red dress and pink skin came in and arrested water sheep  
Peppa,,, what are you doing in my fanfic 😏?  
.  
IM NOT A PEDOPHILE I PROMISE PLEASE DONT KILL ME PEPPA IS AN ADULT IN THIS PIECE


	11. Part 9

this is inspired by what my friend Mikaela sent me:  
*note: AO3 won't let me post pictures so its basically a picture of sal on his phone, and he googled "sexy men" on google and Guy Fieri shows up. And then there is a snapchat caption that says, "Silly Sal, always on his phone"*

so here it is:  
Sal has a problem. A big problem. What is it? Well, he can't stop fapping to Daddy Fieri 💦🍆. He faps to daddy fieri 💦🍆 every time he has nothing to do. He has a break from shooting? You'll catch him in the bathroom fapping away. 💘 Ceelo 💘 began to notice too, which really impacted their sex life. Not even the "feuk me daddy" underwear Sal has will turn Sal on. And 💘 ceelo 💘 has tried everything. So now he knew what needed to happen .

Sal was chilling at home, fapping to Daddy Fieri 💦🍆 when the doorbell rung. He was puzzled as to who it could be, because his huge ass nose didn't recognize their sent. 💘 Ceelo 💘 answered the door, and when Sal saw who it was he cummed his pants right then and their and accidentally stained the couch red. Silly Sal, can't keep it together in front of Daddy Fieri 💦🍆.

To make a long story short (and because I feel like shit this is all you're getting), it was a five way between Silly Sal, 💘 ceelo 💘 , Daddy Fieri 💦🍆, Twisty the Clown 🤡, and some random guy they found on the street. Twisty the Clown 🤡 may be a serial killer, which is why he could kill with dick. This is only mentioned because he accidentally killed the random guy, and it became necrophilia. But they each got to keep a part of the random guy so it was fine 🥰


	12. Part 10

*inspired by the following image*

*the picture is a pic of sal's face covered in what appears to be blood on instagram by the user "slut4saltvulcano" and the caption is "A period don't stop nothin but a sentence baybay grill *emojis*"*

Sal and 💘 ceelo 💘 knew they had to have Peaches again. So they went all the way down to Luisiana 🦎 and followed the trail of crabs.  
.  
peaches charged them $69.420. she charged less than her normal bc she was a bloody gusher 🙈🥰.  
so basically 💘 ceelo 💘 and Sal popped her crab cave and accidentally hatched the ants 😡🐜. and then, of course, Sal had to quickly flex 💪 how sexy he was in pussy blood 😍. and then 💘 ceelo 💘 and sal vored each other's faces until they looked like Freddy Krueger. An after that? Well, they drew Scar x Mufassa nsfw art for their tumblr following 🤤  
the end.

(ps, scar x mufassa is a real thing my horrible friends decided to show me. its okay tho i still love them)


	13. Part 11

When Sal woke up he didn't know where he was. The last thing he remember was getting that juicy 💦 big pencil 🍆🍆 from 💘 ceelo 💘 . Unfortunately, the only thing he was getting now was scoliosis from the stupid cage he was in. Luckily, his raw power (and anus cuz 💘 ceelo 💘 🍑🍑) let him break free. He ran all the way to his and 💘 ceelo 💘 's house. He did get stopped by a pig 🐖😡 because he was only wearing his "feuk me daddy" undies that had a huge hole in the crotch for easier access 😏. But when he got to his house he was so shocked that he turned as orange as his fav DILF, Donald Trump (his spray tan may be better but he can't escape the bullying). He saw his baby daddy 💘 ceelo 💘 , having his dream threesome with Bernie Sanders, but instead of Sal, he got replaced by Jack Black!! He cried juicy tears of Peaches's Pussy Juice 💦💦 (he still has problems from his encounter with Peaches). Thats when he decided to kill Jack Black and drink his sweet, sweet traitor blood 💉💉.  
He waited until it was dark. All of them were passed out of the kitchen table, except for Jack. Jack was boogying out in the garden. Perfect. Sal waited until Jack was turned away, and then with a cry he ran forwards with a knife. Jack had no time, no time at all to even defend himself. No, Jack turned around and before he could even open his mouth he found a knife plunged inside of him. He gasped, blood falling out of his mouth. He fell to the ground, gasping and coughing a wet cough. Sal smiled, and forced Jack to look at him. That's when Sal realized something that made everything even worse. It wasn't Jack Black, a random celebrity that ruined his relationship and crushed his dreams. No, it was one of his life-long best friends Q. He knew that Q was going to regret the Jack Black look one day. And that day has come. Sal cried even more Peaches's Pussy Juice tears as he laid beside his dying friend. "I'm sorry!" He wailed. "If I had known it was you, I would have only minorly poisoned you!" Just then, Q took his last breath.   
Sal shrugged. Either way, he had his Juicy 💦 Big-Willied 🍆 Baby Daddy 💘 ceelo 💘 back.


	14. Part 12: Birthday Bash

Apparently I missed Sal's birthday 😪👊  
So, here's a special birthday update!  
.  
.  
Sal was very excited because today was his birthday. Every year, without fail, he was allowed to do the one thing he loved to do: punish all of the jokers. Q had his punishment early. Anyways, this year, Sal decided to recruit Daddy 💘 Ceelo 💘 and Lovely Peaches, along with others to help. It was going to be spectacular.  
.  
.  
When Joe and Murr woke up they were in a giant white room with only a table. On the table, there was a bucket filled with punishment options. Sal, dressed as Jigsaw, came on the tv screen in front of the table. "Welcome to the Ultimate 💦🔫 Punishment  
Day!!" He screeched. Except he bought a voice changer and sounded like Darth Vader. Joe has a crippling fear of Darth Vader and started sobbing. But, to his horror, his tears were Peaches Pussy Juice tears 💦💦. That's right, they injected Joe with Peaches's blood. Sal cackled like a school girl. "You're free to go Joe!" Joe, sobbing, walked out. Peaches made the mistake of asking who Joe was, and was vibe checked so hard she was sent back to the Bayou.  
This left Murr. Sal smiled. He has the perfect punishment. "This year, Murr gets to kill Jeff Epstein to protect the elite pedophile ring! And, he gets no credit! After that, he had to hide in Daddy Trump's 🍆🍆 nuclear bomb shelter !!" Murr was very afraid, but nevertheless, he completed his punishment.  
After this, Sal got treated to 💘 Ceelo 💘 's ultimate birthday bash. This included eating cake all off of 💘 Ceelo 💘, and getting a steroid-infused 💉💉💊 woohoo fest. That ended with them both high from secks and somehow in the Empire State Building. When they recovered, they jumped, wearing ONLY parachutes, off of the Empire State Building into a BDSM club. They got so freaky they were banned for life.  
When Sal got home, he cried with pure joy. This time, he cried Q's blood. This was the bestest birthday 🎂 🎁 he could EVER ask for 🤤🤤


	15. Part 13: Rotten Tomatoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rawr XD

This is dedicated to Desirea, Mackenzie, and Mikaela for helping me with the ideas

Moby (yes moby from tim and moby) couldn't stop crying thick, oily tears. Bob the Tomato was rotting, and there was nothing to be done. He tried everything, from screwing him 🔨 to a software 💦 update. It was futile, Bob was going to rot 🤢. Already Moby could hardly stand to be in the same fucking state as him because he smelled worse than Peaches 🍑.   
Moby couldn't ignore him tho. Moby decided to make Bob's last days the best. With great disgust, Moby stuck squishy 💦 Bob into his inner parts 😋. Bob was so filled with joy, that he rotted and exploded all at the same time inside of Moby 😞👊.  
Unfortunately, Moby couldn't do BrainPop videos due to Bob's remains being inside of him. So he asked Daddy Timmy 👀💦 to help clean him out 🤢. So Daddy Timmy 👀💦 got the water gun 🔫 and 69 hours later, Moby was all good! And then, Moby turned into a whale. But Daddy Timmy 👀💦 didn't mind, he just crawled inside and licked his kidneys 😋.

Sal woke up screaming. 💘 Ceelo 💘 also was woken up due to Sal's screaming, and ended up fardibg and shidding the bed. The stench made Sal cry Peaches Pussy Juice Tears. Why couldn't he be Bob the Tomato?


	16. Part 14: Surrounded By Friends

This is dedicated to Mikaela, who gave me the idea  
💘 Ceelo 💘 hoped his plan would work, he had a lot riding on this. He recited the last of the incantation and a bam! A light as green as Peaches' Pussy Juice 💦 shot out of the ground and standing in front of his was the sexiest man ever: Julius Caesar!! And he was lookin better than a whole Caesar 🥗 Salad 🥗! 💘 Ceelo 💘 almost threw up out of excitement. After he summoned Caesar back from the Underworld, Caesar and 💘 Ceelo 💘 did everything! Sal, understandably, was very upset (UwU). So, much like his plot to kill Jack Black 🔪, he made a plot to kill Caesar. The Execution of Caesar II: The Electric Boogaloo. Sal waited until Caesar was in the shower 🤫. Then, when Daddy Caesar's slippery, wrinkly body was exposed Sal lunged. The knife slipped into Caesar and blood sprayed everywhere. Caesar fell to his knees, choking on his own warm blood 💉. Sal smiled wickedly as he watched Caesar die for the second time. He truly now knew the joy the Conspirators felt after they murdered Caesar the first time. Sal could get used to this feeling.


	17. Part 15: Life and Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentine’s Day shenanigans

Camera Glockson and his wife Carla had gone on a lovely vacation to Wuhan, China two months ago. That was where they had spent their honey moon because Carla claimed she was trilingual (she was not). Last week, Camera had helped out our bois Sal and 💘 Ceelo 💘 with another film. Two days later, Camera was diagnosed with the corona virus 🦠 and put into isolation. He died a week later.  
.  
Sal was once again crying Peaches Pussy Juice tears as he faced reality: 💘 Ceelo 💘 has coronavirus and it was Cameras fault. So he did what any rational human would do: he started a gang to kill Carla. His gang consisted of himself, KSI, Jake Paul, Shrek, and Stalin. Everyone had a part, and it went smoothly. Carla died painfully and Sal got his revenge. It was Valentine's Day tho, and found that she was working on a ritual to bring Camera back. Sal stole it before the others saw and got to work.  
first he need a human heart, which he stole from Jake. next he needed something inhuman, so he just cried Peaches Pussy Juice and collected it. Finally, he need a human sacrifice and decided that Joe from family guy would do. So he force-fed joe the heart and Peaches Pussy Juice, and then made crispy vegetable. mmmm 😋   
Like a miracle, 💘 Ceelo 💘 got better!! So they made a Valentines cake of human blood and did tings 😏 to it. the end  
.  
.  
.  
happy Valentine's Day whores!


End file.
